Stroke of Insight - Jill Bolte Taylor

It's been a while since I've posted - my apologies. However right now I'm in the throes of winding up my quarter. I can't believe that finals are two weeks away! ACK!

I'm up to my eyeballs in studying but wanted to bring you this powerful video. I was doing some research on neurological stuff, partly because that's our next area of coverage in patho class and partly because I had the opportunity to spend time with a young woman who recently suffered a stroke. Her progress has been amazing and I am honored to have spent time with her, laughing, joking and talking.

Anyway, a nursing forum I frequent led me to a site called TED: Ideas Worth Spreading. There is a video of a talk given by a neurological researcher who suffered a stroke in her late 30s. She recounts her experience and really details the loss of function in her brain and her levels of awareness through the entire ordeal.

It's worth eating your lunch at the computer to watch this one!

Validation

The other day I was at Panera enjoying some chicken noodle soup and working on my preschool paper for nursing. I was stopped by two women who noticed that I was wearing my nursing sweatshirt.

They proceeded to congratulate me on getting into school and for choosing nursing as my profession. It was a mother (probably in her 70s) and a daughter (probably in her 50s) and they had nothing but praise for nurses. The daughter is trying to convince her two children to go into nursing as well

They wanted to know where I went to school, what specialty area I was interested in, what I thought about the process of getting into school. It was so validating to have two complete strangers sing your praises and tell you that you were doing something noble. Talk about an ego boost! I thanked them both sincerely and wished them luck on convincing the next generation to move into this field as well.

Odds-n-Ends

First off - phew! I had my very first nursing school exam last week. It was in Pathophysiology (the study of diseases) and covered cardiac and respiratory diseases. I was terribly anxious going into the exam. I had no idea what to expect because everyone has been talking about how to answer "nursing questions". The idea that more than one answer may be right but you have to pick the option that is the MOST right or the BEST answer.

I'm very happy to report that I scored an 89.23%! Woo hoo! I am also happy to report that is only 0.77% away from being an A grade. What that means is that I can easily boost myself up to an A for the next exam. I found a great study method that really seemed to work for me. I use concept maps to outline each disease separately. It covers their eitology, pathology, signs & symptoms, dangers, diagnostic tests and treatments in a visual manner. Here is a sample of one that I did:
It's a bit hard to see the specifics but you can get the general drift. Pretty neat, huh? Thanks to Miss Emilie for linking me to this great free software!

Now my only problem will be to keep up with doing this on a weekly basis instead of waiting for the two days before the next exam. I know with this method of focusing on the diseases I will be able to do great in this class, as long as I don't procrastinate and wait until the last minute. Uh oh! That's going to be a big challenge for me!

In other news, I played Rock Band for the first time this weekend and it totally kicked ass! I love it. It's my new favorite game! I'm going to have to scheme a way for us to get a playstation 3 and Rock Band soon! Maybe prices will drop after Christmas?

I also got to do some knitting this weekend (thanks wildtomato!) and finally got started on my socks. Yes, the socks I was going to learn to knit over the summer. Since the weather has been so nice here lately (until today) does it count that I'm learning during an indian summer?!? It will be so nice to have a small project to take with me during my l-o-n-g commute to school and a great way to decompress on demand.

Lastly, here is a picture of me from my first day of school. Matty had some issues with getting a picture but this is what we've got! I messed around with the color and jacked up the picture because my face was completely washed out by the flash.


Oh, truly lastly, we joined the local climbing gym Planet Granite in the Presidio. They have workout machines, yoga classes and of course, climbing walls. I'm going to take the belay class in the next few days (Matty already took it) so we can have some fun together!

Blerk!

Wow! This nursing school stuff is pretty intense. I'm loving it. I'm frustrated. I'm overwhelmed. I'm excited. It's a whole new world out there. And I'm part of it!

First Hypochondrical Moment

For years I've read about nursing students and their tendecies to come down with every disease they happen to be studying at the time. It's only my second week of school and I've already been down that path!

In my pathophysiology class we're studying the cardiovascular system. In reading about blood and circulation and heart disease, it is enevitable that cholesterol and lipids (fats) gets drawn into the mix. Once of the signs and symptoms for coronary artery diesease (CAD) is dyslipidemia. Dyslipidemia is an abnormally (high) concentration of lipoproteins. A high concentration of lipoproteins is a modifiable risk factor for atherosclerosis (clogged arteries). One of the signs of dyslipidemia is the presence of xanthelasma, especially on the eyelids.

That got me worrying. See, I have this weird little growth on my lower eyelid. It doesn't affect my sight and the eye doctor told me it's nothing, not even a blocked tear duct. So as I'm reading about CAD and about the risk factors I come across genetic predisposition (paternal grandfather died of stroke, paternal uncle had a quadruple bypass at age 55, father had a quintuple bypass at age 53), diabetes (paternal uncle and father both diabetic) and the presence of dyslipidemia and xanthelasma. Ding ding ding!!! I figured we had a winner. I know I'm a woman, and in my early 30's but I was pretty convinced that I was going to keel over from a myocardial infarction (that's heart attack to you non-medical type) walking from the library to the classroom.

So I did a quick google image search on xanthelasma. Turns out I was jumping the gun. Here is what xanthelasma looks like:

Pretty nasty if you ask me. And fortunately nothing like what I've got on the rim of my lower eyelid.

Phew! That's one major disease down. Only 48,200,357 more to slog through!

School Daze

So today is my very first day of school, real school. Not the school I've been doing for the past 3 years. That school was evening school, squeezed around my work schedule and plodded through one course at a time.

This is different. It's all school, all the time. I'm sitting in the library on campus right now trying to absorb the culture. It's been a long time since I've really been on campus, using the library, checking out the student union (hey- they have 2!), reading all of the posted fliers announcing this or that activity.

But I'm a commuter. No living on campus, rolling out of bed 5 minutes before class and dashing to my seat in my sweats. No hopping in the car with all my gear and driving 5 (maybe 10 in traffic) minutes to work, parking for free in the Fort Mason lot and skipping over to Safeway or Chestnut street for work. This morning I packed my bag with my computer and power cord (I'm going to try taking notes with it), a book I need to do some reading in, a pleasure reading book, lunch fixings (student budget you know!), personal gear and some extra bags. I waited for the bus, smashed in the aisle with my 20 lb. bag and careened down to the BART station. There I just missed the train I was shooting for. Had I realized that I didn't need to walk all the way across the station to go downstairs I would have made it just fine. But I took the next train and headed to the east bay. Got off the BART and got in line for the free shuttle to campus.

Totally different world for me. I've made a pretty conscious habit of not commuting for the past 8 or 9 years. I've typically lived within 5 miles of my work. And I so love my car that even on days when I could have take the bus, I still drove. A 10 minute car ride was a much better option that a 40 minute bus trip! Now I'm reversing that. I could drive to school in less time than it takes to use public transit. But even with all the standing, swaying and missing trains by "that much" I think I can get used to this.

If it's going to be a whole new world I may as well embrace it fully, with open arms, a giant school bag and a smile on my face to mask the sheer terror!

First day of school picture will follow soon!

Kitty Drive-by

Just a couple of pics I snapped yesterday while taking a break from a monster cleaning/organization task. Phew!

Sleeping Oscar

Long arm of the paw

Snoozing Goblin (a rarity)

Extreme close-up!

Tired of the paprazza!

She's outta here!

That's it; I'm done!

I haven't posted in ages but today was my last day of work at PMA. Had a lovely little send off by my co-workers. The bestest CFO ever, Carolyn, made me my favorite cake - Pineapple Upside Down Cake. It was AWESOME! I got a giant flower balloon, a nice card and a kick ass stethoscope. It's a purple Littman electronic doohickie - crazy! I'm going to take some time to play with it tomorrow and see what that puppy can do!

Just to recap what's gone on over the past month:

• I finally got my EMT certification to work in the state of California.
• I attended my school orientation and survived the "ice breakers" and purchasing some of my books to the tune of $800.
• "Camping" down near Bakersfield - story to follow and it's a good one
• Finishing (finally) my second Clapotis
• Hitting Vegas for a fabulous Girl's Weekend with Emilie & Lori (I won $500 on the slot machines!)

Upcoming items I'm looking forward to during my break are:

• Outside Lands Festival (provided we get off our arses & get tickets)
• Camping in Lassen
• Momma coming to visit!
• Attending a friend's wedding
• Getting my life in order - house, school notes, study space, all of it!

Today was a bit bittersweet. It's the first time I've left a job on good terms. That is I haven't been laid off or so incredibly unhappy I was about to chew off my arm. PMA was a terrific company to work for. I couldn't have landed at a better spot when we arrived in California. It was truly like working with family. I have made some life long friends and will treasure many memories. Not that it was all sunshine and roses but I wouldn't trade the experience for a million bucks!

So, to PMA, I'll miss you something fierce. Thank you everyone for all the support you have shown me as I pursue my dream of nursing school. Everyone has been incredibly positive and I think I've heard the phrase "You'll make a terrific" nurse more than I've heard my own name! Love to you all!

I'm *this* close to being a certified EMT

Graduate from EMT program - check!

Pass NREMT exam (national registry) - check!

Submit for LiveScan fingerprinting (not cheap) - check!

Send in all the paperwork to the San Francisco EMS along with more money - no check

I can't believe I'm jumping through these crazy hoops to get licensed to work as an EMT in California when I don't really intend on actually working as an EMT! Part of the reason I'm doing it is because I could get a job as an ER technician with my certification so that may come in handy for school. I think the biggest part is that I feel like I want to see this all the way through to completion. Getting through the class and passing the exam were a huge part of this process but there are all these little nit-picky details that need to be completed before it's actually all wrapped up. And tons of more fees to pay as well (pay to take the exam, pay for LiveScan, pay to submit for certification in California)! It really felt like if I didn't walk through the whole maze, it would have been for naught. And that was a damn hard class so there is no way I'm not taking full advantage!

And, as part of passing the NREMT I got a way cool embroidered patch! Now, where to put it . . .

I realized I posted my graduation picture in the wrong place. So, without further ado or delay, here is the SFPA EMT class that graduated on 6/10/08!

The many faces of Oscar

We took a few photos of Oscar recently so I thought I'd post them here. After we get back from the 4th of July we're going on the hunt to find him a companion. I'm hoping our friends at Nine Lives Foundation can help us out. I even found a few photos of Ella when I downloaded from the camera - sniff!

Fierce Oscar

Perturbed Oscar

Victorious Oscar (a.k.a. Large & in Charge)

Striking Oscar

Content Oscar

Alzheimers Ribbon

You might have noticed my puple ribbon on the right side of the page. This is my Alzheimers Ribbon. My dear Granny had Alzheimers and passed away in April of 2007. If you would like to create your own, and donate $10 to the Alzheimers Association, please click on the ribbon to make your own. You can post it on your own website, blog or in a forum post - whatever works for you!

Miss you Gran

Belated Park City & SLC

After all the brou-ha-ha of finishing EMT class, we winged off to beautiful Park City, UT to meet up with Todd, Mark & Myra.

Thanks to the generous folks I worked with our housing was absolutely free and totally relaxing. We stayed in a condo north of town and there was the best TV channel ever - Nature TV (I don't think you'll find it in your local cable listing). There was a lovely picture window that looked out over a meandering creek and meadow. We saw a river otter, a mink, a great blue heron, a sandhill crane, horses and a fox family. The fox family was momma fox and three babies who played rough & tumble like there was no tomorrow. It was wonderful to sit there and look out the window (or go out on the deck) and watch nature's entertainment.

Other things we did of note were to visit the Park City Mountain Resort. We rode the Alpine Slide, the Alpine Coaster and the Zip Lines. So much fun and I would rank order them in the reverse of how they're listed on the "scream factor" scale. If you're ever anywhere that offers a zip line ride, TAKE IT!

We also had a most relaxing afternoon at the Aura Spa in Park City. My massage therapist, Carolyn, was awesome. I had a massage and energy work done. She said I have wonderful energy and that the top of my head is very open (I don't exactly know what that means but she was smiling when she said it). It made me feel very different - more blissed out that a good massage usually does. I could feel her energy as well and it took me to another place. The owners of the spa were wonderful and so accomodating for a group of four at the last minute. If you ever go to Park City, definitely visit them!

Beyond that it was lots of wandering around and eating. I ended up getting sick and spent the whole day Sunday in bed. The crew was nice enough to bring home mexican for a little early-birthday dinner. And of course Matty got me my favorite cake in the whole, wide world - Pineapple Upside Down Cake! It was terribly yummy and I had it for breakfast the next day too!

M&M left early than Todd & we did, so after we took them to the airport in SLC we got to meet a friend for lunch. She's only been a "virtual" friend for now, so it was wonderful to meet P-n-M in person! (That's her forum handle, in case you were wondering). We had a tasty lunch at Market Street Grill - University - my crab cake sandwich was awesome and the fries were some of the best ever! It was across the street from the University of Utah where she works. After lunch we got a quick trip to P-n-M's lovely abode and meet her two labs - Pete & Maddie. (get the name now?). To round out the day we headed out to the Great Salt Lake.

We actually went out to an island in the lake - Antelope Island. One word - STINKY! The only thing that lives in the Great Salt Lake are brine shrimp, brine flies & algae. Makes it a great place for migrating birds; not so much for migrating tourists. We toured the little visitors center and then truged down to the lake, all the way down. The water level is pretty low right now.Matt even had the nerve to go out IN the water. UGH! It wasn't the water itself that was gross, it was the marine layer of brine flies that covered everything. So disgusting. Everytime you moved there was the black, buzzing wave that preceeded you or closed in behind. YUCK! The birds were having a great time though. They would just run along with sand with their mouth open and scoop up a beakful of brine files! It was a fowl smorgasbord!

If you're interested in seeing anymore SLC pictures (it's more of the Great Salt Lake, the Mormon Square and some of the peeps), feel free to check out our gallery of photos.

Holy Cow - I survived

Both my EMT class and the after party! It's a miracle on both ends!

Our graduation ceremony is tonight and we will all be showing up wearing normal clothes. I don't know that I'll recognize anyone if they're not in all navy blue with black shoes and a black belt. Seriously!

I'll post pictures of the class and graduation later. But there will be no pictures of the party; those images are sacrosanct!

I'm going to miss hanging out and palpating all these crazy folks. And I won't know what to do with an entire Saturday at my disposal.I've met some incredible and amazing people during this journey and look forward to seeing where there lives take them. I'm truly blessed to have some of them in my life and will miss our stressed-out, study/bonding/bitching sessions (both those with & without beer). It makes me look forward to nursing school even more. If I got this close to people in 10 weeks, just imagine what can happen over 2 years!

One thing I do plan on doing this summer is learning to knit socks! I've got two books I've been dying to open but haven't been allowed until this class is over. It's open season now!

Down to the Wire

This is the week. My EMT final looms and I am at odds. I know I should be studying. I know I should be focused. I know I should have caught up on my reading. Funny how I know so much yet know so little too . . .

I'm freaking about my written final tomorrow night. We're getting together to study tonight. I'll be studying more tomorrow with a break for a doctor's appointment. I need to get a physical done by the end of June for nursing school. Then it will be back to studying more, right up until the final exam. And then it's out for a beer or two - NO MORE!

After volunteering on Friday I'll be hooking up with a classmate to do a dry run through of all the skills stations before the big day on Saturday. I'm as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Part of it is my performance anxiety and part of it is the fact that I know it will be completely different than our midterm practical. That was so easy - almost too easy in my mind. I don't know that I feel truly prepared for Saturday. Bless my classmates who keep trying to reassure me; I know they mean well but I'm still ramping up to a good panic state.

I wish I could go back in time by one week and prepare better. But you know what, all last week I knew I was slacking off! I just couldn't stop myself. Sounds crazy but it's true. I think if I had been in an all white room with no window and no doors and nothing but my books to study with, I still would have found a way to distract myself. And now I'm kicking myself for that. Sigh . . . I hope I learn from this and don't repeat myself for nursing school!

Anyway, wish me luck. Regardless of what happens, it will be over on Saturday. And, if I do pass it all, I will be graduating on Tuesday!

And then it will be off to Park City, Utah for a weekend of glorious relaxation.

Kaiser ER (not Soze)

As part of my EMT class we are required to do one "ride along" with a local EMS provider (and we are encouraged to do two). There are many options to select from and I chose the Emergency Department at a local Kaiser Hospital as my first one. Since the ER doesn't actually go anywhere I wouldn't call it a "ride along"; more of an observation.

I was there on a Wednesday night, from 3:00 p.m. until 1:00 a.m., and even though the charge nurse would probably shoot me, I'd have to say it was a pretty quiet shift. Most of the people who came through had complaints of chest pain.

I wasn't assigned to any particular room, so I stayed in the triage area the entire time. I got to see patients as they came into the ER but not much follow-up once they were assigned to a room. I did learn to take vitals, do EKGs and start people on chest monitors. The nurses were disappointed that I wasn't able to start IVs. I said I would be willing to learn but they they probably wouldn't be happy with the results. :)

The most exciting thing I saw was a hand laceration. I figured I shouldn't post it in case there are sensitive eyes! When the patient's finger moved you could see the tendons in the hand move too - it was awesome!

What I did learn is that there are varying levels of EMS providers out there. There were paramedics bringing in patients (and not critical patients as this was not a trauma center) without having any vitals on the patient. That was just plain laziness. There were some who had almost an entire life history of the patient. That's how you can tell who is good and who could care less. Sad to see it was pretty balanced on both sides.

My next ride along is with the San Francisco Fire Department (SFFD) in two weeks. I'm looking forward to that one!

Sigh of Relief; Dance of Joy

The letter finally came today! I have been accepted into the Nursing Program at Cal State East Bay. I will begin the Fall of 08 and will be working towards a BSN! Woohoo!!

Over the past two weeks I've struck up quite the e-mail friendship with another woman who was waiting to hear about her acceptance. She got her letter on Wednesday. We have been talking each other down from the ledge on a daily basis, working to regain some sort of Zen about this whole process each time. It was nice to know I wasn't alone in my insanity and talking with someone else about remaining calm helped me to be calm(er) as well. And I'm looking forward to meeting her and becoming her classmate!

I am 1) relieved, 2) ecstatic, 3) scared to death, 4) tired, 5) numb, 6) weightless and 7) just about every other emotion I can imagine and many others I have no name for. It's hard to believe that almost 3 years ago to the month I started on this path. I took an on-line course in Sociology through Napa Valley Community College because I read that it was one of the pre-requisites for nursing and I had somehow managed to make it through my entire undergraduate career without taking a Sociology course. I was in a mad rush to start the process and the class through NVCC was the only one I could find that was open on such short notice.

As I finished up that class over the summer, I really began researching the other steps I would need to take for this little seed of an idea to become a reality: Nutrition, Chemistry, Speech, Anatomy, Physiology, Microbiology. Each semester a different class and an opportunity to meet some amazing people who were also pursing a dream. I'm so grateful to Cathy, Diane, Alison, Sheila & Heather. They are some of the strongest, craziest, smartest, sanest women I have ever met and I am proud to have shared a part of my life with them.

I can't wait to see what this next chapter brings!

And now I can truly begin to plan for the future - like figuring out how much this is all going to cost! :)

Feeling like a ding dong

Not only did I not get into the program at SFSU, turns out I haven't been accepted into the program at Cal State East Bay either!

Being the industrious, knowledge-hungry, information-gatherer that I am, I sent off an e-mail to the nursing department at CSUEB telling them I had submitted my intent to enroll and asking what other steps I needed to take as a future member of the nursing program. Her return e-mail stated "It’s great that you’ve already submitted your Intent to Enroll. The Nursing Department will be sending out acceptance letters in the beginning of May. Once you receive the letter and accept to be admitted into the program, you will be notified of the following steps you need to take."

Great! I said. And then I stopped to think about what she said. Did that mean I had *not* been admitted into the nursing program? So I asked her to clarify. And indeed that is what it means.

I have been accepted to the University as a pre-Nursing major. The nursing program will not be sending out their acceptance letters until the beginning of May (which is only a few days away). So it turns out that my back-up school, my fall-back plan is back to being an unknown. Unfrickin' believable.

This whole school thing has been such an emotional roller coaster - up and down and up and down. And just when you think you're pulling into the station for the end of the ride you get shot right back down the biggest hill of all.

Sigh.

On a wonderful note, I got my dishcloth from the April exchange. I proudly present the Starry Dishcloth from WildTomato!



Oscar does not make the most stunning model for dishcloths but he put up with me draping it on him for a little bit!

All quiet and no news makes Myla something something

So I've been forum hopping, looking for anyway to find out about the MSN program at SFSU. Nothing, nothing, nothing. At least nothing that seems promising anyway.

Found a forum at www.allnurses.com that had old posts about admissions from last year. Did some more digging and found one from this year. Looks like at least one person on there has gotten her acceptance letter; she was given until 4/18 to accept the position. Another person said she called the department and was told that not all the letters have gone out yet because it is a "slow process".

So I imagine all of the first round candidates have been notified and had until 4/18 to respond. Guess that means that they will then move on to inviting any second round candidates to fill the open positions for those from the first round who didn't accept. And so on and so forth. But I don't know if any of that is the case because I'm just filling in the (huge) gaps that exist based on what little information I can glean.

One of the posts from last year (at this same time) was that one person didn't find out about acceptance to the program until the day before it began! That is seriously messed up. How could you expect anyone to be able to jump through THAT hoop? But if it was me, I'd totally be there!

OK, deep breath one . . . deep breath two . . . deep breath three . . . Screw it. I want to know NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Study Group

I'm hosting a study group at my house today for our EMT class. I can't believe that we have our midterm in less than two weeks. Time has been flying by; we've already finished our third week of class - only seven more left. Gulp!

I got to be a "victim" last Friday for a ATLS class held at SF General. ATLS is Advanced Trauma Life Support. All of the students were doctors, residents & I believe there was one nurse practitioner. We were able to listen to some of the lecture portions which included a lot of the same information we were taught (ABCs! excpet they added D & E). They did exercises in patient triage during multiple casualty incidents - interesting to see what patients warranted advanced status and who needed to wait. Then we went to our moulage area. That's where they dressed us up and put makeup on us to simulate injuries. I was the victim of a fall from my roof and was unconscious (so not much acting taking place).

While I know that the doctors have many more tools at their disposal, sometimes I think they got tripped up in not keeping things simple. Some of them missed a major trauma sign that I had and I even died once. The nurse who was helping in the scenario was very good at directing the doctor towards different things. She would say "are you sure you don't want to look at anything else while the collar is off" or "would you like me to open some IVs or run some blood tests for you?" I'm very thankful that there is a team of people who work on you during a trauma emergency. It's amazing how much people can forget!

I will follow up with pictures next week as I need to get them from my instructor. In all there were four volunteers: fall victim, crushing injury victim (wall fell on him), stabbing victim (domestic dispute - his wife was unhappy with him), and a fight victim who was also stabbed in the back. I think the fight guy died twice!

This is a tough class but I'm glad I'm in it. I feel like I'm really learning a lot and my confidence level has increased, especially as I learn more about what to do and how to treat people.

1 down; 2 to go

Good news came this weekend! I have been offered a slot in the Fall 2008 nursing program at Cal State East Bay!

This program is for a second bachelor's degree in Nursing. It's an 8 quarter program that I would complete in 2 years. It's one of the only degree granting programs in the Bay Area that will let you do a second Bachelor's degree. Most of the other programs require you to apply to the fast-track or accelerated Master's program if you already have a Bachelor's degree, regardless of the focus of that degree.

So I now know that I will be going to school somewhere and soon! Yippee!

I'm still waiting to hear back from two other schools. City College San Francisco (CCSF) and San Francisco State (SFSU). I'm supposed to hear from both of them sometime in April. The program at CCSF is an RN program, not a degree program. They do their selection on a complete lottery basis. This year they made two changes in the lottery program. One is that they will now weight the number of times a person has applied to the program. So if this is your fifth time applying, you'll have a better chance than someone who is applying for the first time. Also, they are now only doing one drawing a year for the two program starts (Fall 2008 & Spring 2009). While I don't hold my breath for this option (as it's only my second time applying) it would be more convenient because it's in the city.

The program at SFSU is an accelerated Master's program. They call it the Generic MSN program. Classes for this program would start in the summer, probably June. It is a three year program; the first 15 months focus on all RN skills classes and taking the NCLEX test to get your license. The rest of the course is then direct towards the masters courses. This is the program I would like to do as it is in the city and it takes care of everything in one fell swoop. I wouldn't have to work for a year or two and then go back to get my Masters.

However it shakes out, I'm just happy to find out that I am actually going to achieve my goal! It's been about 3.5 years since I decided that i wanted to go to nursing school. According to the timeline in my head, I should have been in school last year. And I did have that opportunity but turned it down. I was accepted to the accelerated Master's program at University of San Francisco (USF) and could have started classes last June. After MUCH soul searching I turned them down. Ultimately they had more of an administrative & management bent while I would like to focus on patient care and clinical skills. Plus, the costs were outrageous! Over the last few months I've started to doubt whether that was the right decision. When I get frustrated at work I think about the fact that I could have been in school right now and dealing with frustrations that were related to what I want to do with my life, not frustrations about not doing what I want with my life.

It's been hard to trust myself and trust that I made the right decision in turning down USF. I didn't really start doubting until application time rolled around again. Getting all of that information turned in to the schools kicked on my anxiety switch and started the gears turning. I've been trying to keep it in check and think I do well most of the time (Matt may disagree) but have occasionally been know to just blurt out "I want to hear about school! NOW!" So nice to be free of that feeling. Of course it won't go away completely until I hear back from SFSU, which is my first choice. (Actually, UCSF was my first choice but I knew back in December that I didn't get in there. Hell, I knew when I applied that I didn't get in there. Since I haven't cured AIDS or volunteered as a lactation consultant in the Outback I'm not the right material for their program. But I digress.)

So for right now, I am going to revel in the knowledge that the dream for my future is moving along, full speed ahead (finally). And I'm also going to buckle down for this EMT class. It's brutal. Especially since I was down for the count all day Friday so am now behind in my reading - ACK!

EMT Insanity (and babies too!)

So, they weren't lying when they said it would be a tough 10 weeks. We're barely into week number two and I'm already stressed out. That may have something to do with the fact that my work has been brutal of late (pushed out deadlines making me compromise my time and resources) but it may not.

I was 25 minutes late to class on Tuesday. ARGH!! I felt like a complete arse and you can be sure it won't happen again. And they handed out cool logo to-go mugs at the beginning of class that I missed out on. I will of course be asking about getting one tonight but it will be very sheepishly.

Tonight and Saturday we are covering the basics of patient assessment, serious foundational work. I am caught up on my reading and ready for action (I think). So far the classes have been good: fast paced, sometimes humorous, mix of lecture and skills. Last Saturday was mostly skills on patient lifting. Whoo boy! I was tired after that one! Thank goodness we own his-n-hers heating pads! One instructor said that this job would be more of a workout than any session at the gym and she was right. Trying to help carry a 6'2", 220 lb. guy down a flight of stairs using a stair chair is what did me in. I have absolutely no upper body strength so I can add that to the list of items to work on (along with cardio, heart, core, etc.)

I will have to be careful to maintain a good balance during all of this. This was my second week of part-time work and I can feel the things that are being left undone start to pile up - both on my desk and in my brain. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel in about two weeks which will be just in time for my EMT mid-term. Phew!

In other news - last Sunday I got to hang out with some of my "internet pet" friends down in San Jose. It was a lovely little afternoon gathering. Then it was back to the city for dinner with Gina & Aaron. Wonderful beef bourguignon with rice pudding for dessert. They make such lovely meals and it's always nice to sit and have a great after dinner conversation with them.

Also, my nephew Luc got his bag I made for him and loves it. But I don't think he loves it as much as the stretchy frog that was in there too! :) But the better news is that Ed & Nora will be having baby #2! She is knocked up and they're having another boy at the beginning of September. On the baby front, my mom saw my cousin Jessie and she's about to pop with her second boy, Logan. And my other cousin Angie is newly pregnant with her second as well. Babies abounding! Mom sent me wonderful pictures of my niece Lily. She's got such a great smile on her. I'll get them scanned in and posted soon!

Off to class for work on scene safety and patient assessment. Wish me luck!

p.s. - no word yet on nursing programs from SFSU or CCSF, but April is a long month!

First Class tonight!

Tonight begins my 10 weeks of craziness! I am beginning an EMT class through the San Francisco Paramedics Association. I'm so excited and nervous at the same time. I'm sure the nerves will go away after the first few classes.

We had an information session last week to cover all the paperwork, expectations, goals, uniforms (gulp) and whatnot. I was a bit nervous as I sat there, the only woman among 15 men. But at the last minute there were 2 other ladies who made it to the class. We meet T/Th from 6:30 to 10:00 p.m. and Saturdays from 8:30 to 5:00. Not looking forward to those long days for sure.

We are required to wear our uniforms for every class session. Navy pants (carhart work pants from Sears), navy t-shirt or polo provided by them with logo, black belt and black shoes. They didn't tell us until the meeting that the shoes should have toe protection. I've got some on order and hope they come in soon.

In other news, I hosted a knitting gathering over the weekend for some pals from Ravelry. Lovely company, good snacks & fun conversation. We even got some knitting done in the bargain! I finished a hat to send off for a friend of a friend who will be going through Chemo. I got the pattern from Head Huggers and knit the Lace-edged Women's hat using Lion Brand microspun. It turned out quite well and I want to get it off in the mail tomorrow.

Happy Belated Birthday

Tuesday was my Matty's birthday - the big 33! I surprised him by having a few friends meet us at a new(ish) Sushi place in our neighborhood. I'm not a huge sushi fan but even I found tons to eat. Everyone raved about the food and the service was excellent. They comped us 2 dishes, 1 cocktail and sent Matt home with a set of shot glasses for his birthday!

I also surprised him with his gift - a thule roof rack installed on my car! And a gift certificate to Rack-n-Road so he can choose his own cargo box. This is so he can haul around his windsurfing gear (when he finally buys it!) and be able to hit the wind on his own time. The place I had it installed in San Rafael was terrific. The manager didn't even laugh too hard when I asked about first getting a rack installed on his car - a 95 Honda del Sol. I told her it never hurt to check and see if it was an option!

It was nice to give him something he can really use; espcially since the season is starting to open up and the wind is starting to power up.

On a sad note, our friends Lori & Andy lost their cat Noah last night. He was at the vet for a urinary obstruction and was set to come home. As they were on their way to pick him up he passed away. The vet said he had a genetic heart problem and that it could have happened at anytime. I'm so heart broken for them :*(

Finally, I'm getting my knit on! I'm working on/off on a clapotis (my second) and I just cast on for a quick hat to send to a friend's friend who will be going through chemo soon. Perhaps I'm even finally motivated to finish Matt's sweater! And speaking of finished, this is what I sent off to my nephew right before Easter. It was supposed to be an Easter gift but I sent it way too late (to Canada) so I hope it arrives soon! It's a book bag so he can carry his library books by himself!

Happy Fifth Anniversary

This was written by someone I know and posted on Craigslist. It's in the Rants & Raves section and I think it deserves calling out.

Has it really been five years already? Wow, time really flies with the distractions of life. So many things going on that sometimes it’s pretty easy to forget about you. I remember way back when you were projected to be this little $50-60 billion "conflict." But my how you’ve grown! It’s hard to believe that now you’re projected total cost is $3 trillion... that’s a lot of zeros! Your ability to suck all the resources of this nation is quite something. The infrastructure of our nation is suffering in innumerable ways because of the lack of available money. It will likely take near an entire generation to recover from you... whenever you stop.

And how do we even recover from the human losses and tragedies? You know damn well we’ve created another generation of mentally ill war vets, just like those from Vietnam we all see wandering the streets of our major cities. Over 200,000 have applied for disability benefits. Then there’s the 3990 fatalities in the US forces, and by extension 3990 families that have been changed forever. So many of them seem to be young parents. I don’t want to forget the other 308 coalition deaths, the 29,314 US wounded, or countless Iraqi deaths and injuries. And by countless I mean countless. Nobody really knows. But since they started trying to keep track in 2005 there have been 47,000 fatalities.

So war, I really think it’s about time you and I went our seperate ways. I don’t think I can handle another year of you. But to be realistic I know how tricky it can be to end these kind of dysfuctional realtionship, so I’ll just hope that next year at this time we’ll both have moved on and have started the healing process.

View original post here

Flying Time

I'm not being as good about this as I hoped (but then again I can say the same thing about going to the gym & eating healthy too!). February was a tough month for me and I think I'm starting to see a little more clearly now. My dear momma sent me a book called Unattended Sorrow by Steven Levine and I've started reading it in little bits. You can definitely only read it in small pieces. So far I'm seeing a lot of valuable information in there and it's speaking to me.

On better news, I just finished a dishcloth exchange with one of my Ravelry groups. It was so much fun to make something and send it off. I can't wait to see how she likes it! I of course forgot to take a picture but she promised to take some for me and send them so I'll have some record! I was excited because I created a pattern for one of the dishcloths based on an image. I think the pattern is pretty great but I wasn't able to end up making that cloth in time to get it sent off. I've not done any colorwork (except for stripes) before and it wasn't coming out very well. I'll take some time to make it right and then will just have to send her a bonus one :)

Windsurfing season has started for Matt. He's gone out a couple times and I think he's finally made the commitment to buying his own gear! That way he can go whenever and where ever he would like and isn't limited to when the Shack/Coyote Point are open. Guess that opens up a whole new world of gift opportunities for him now! And it's pretty convenient that his birthday is next week too!

I begin my EMT classes two weeks from today. I'm so excited! I've been trying to read as much as possible in my text but it's pretty intense. I'm on Chapter 7 - Airway Management and it's 60 pages! I presume that's because airway management is very important, but still - 60 pages! I got my black shoes last night and need to go find some navy blue pants & a black belt too. I'm going to have to buy at least one more shirt (they gave us two) because there is no way I can go through three classes a week on two shirts. Especially since we only get clothes to the laundry about every two weeks! In conjunction with the EMT class I'm taking my work schedule down to part time. Now if only I could pin my boss down to actually talk about this I could check it off on my ever present, internal "to-do" list.

Good Grief

Well, not good but definitely grief.

I attended a memorial service for a co-worker's father today. I never met him but heard many stories from her. There had been trouble over the past year with his health and as shee said, his spirit was too big to be kept in his earthly body.

The memorial service was so lovely. The "family trio" sang two songs - one original written for the father and Amazing Grace; full military honors by the navy with the folding of the flag; lovely poems, readings, photos & memories shared by all of the family members. Even though I never met Al it made me wish I had.

What it did make me do was cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. In fact, it's 5 hours later and I'm still teary-eyed. I think it really brought up lots of my own grief for me. In the past two years I've had a lot of loss; in the past 5 years even more. Attending this memorial made me think back to those that I've lost and bringing back those sad feelings and happy memories. I almost felt embarrassed for crying so much. I know it's because I'm a person who feels things very deeply and crying is how I deal with lots of different stuff - sadness, anger, fear, anxiety, happiness.

So I think tonight I will go home and reflect on those that have gone: Ella, Granny, Tara & Niki, Scot and Alice. All of them are my guardian angels and even though that's a comforting thought, I would still give anything to have them here with me rather than watching over me.

Our Anniversary

OK - so it was really on Sunday but I'm a little late in getting these up! We spent a lovely day together and didn't do anything that we *had* to do! No work around the house, nothing for work - just pure fun!

We started off the morning with breakfast at a place we've never eaten - Curbside on California. It was a small place with great food. I had the french toast & Matt had eggs & chorizo. Both were so yummy. The place was run by one waiter and one hostess and they had it in the palm of their hand. Fun to watch and appreciate as a (way back when) former food server.

We then hit the highlight of the afternoon - a big screen viewing of "The Princess Bride"! What a great flick! Who doesn't love romance, fighting, torture, weddings, kidnappings, monsters and great kisses? I didn't realize the movie came out in 1987. I've only ever seen it on video so it was lots of fun to see it in a proper theatre.

After that lovely diversion we hit REI to return some gear. Funny how you don't just go there to return stuff but you end up coming out with new items too! I had to exchange some shoes that broke (needed to special order) and a bag that was falling apart (I love that bag); I walked out with a new backpack for camping, some headware, a second pair of shoes and some cute little slippers for my niece!

By that time we were starving so we headed out for the best place for calamari we know - The Beach Chalet. The place was hopping, probably due to the nice weather and the proximity to sunset. Rather than wait an hour for a table we sat in the bar area and had a lovely dinner. I don't know what they do to their calamari but it is divine! For dessert we had a chocolate sand castle - fun and yummy.

Then it was home to open presents! I got a great travel book on all of the California Missions & the Presidios. I can't wait to see them all. We hit three last fall and it was so amazing.

And of course I have to say that I love this man dearly. I cannot believe it's been 9 years together. He is my heart; my friend, my love, my lover, my soul, my companion, my motivator and most of all, mine.

Been a while . . .

I think the fact that I'm not sure what to make of this blog is keeping me from updating it on a more regular basis so I will work on correcting that.

On a very sad note, we lost our beloved kitty Ella on 2/3/08. We returned home from being out at a concert and all was fine. Got ready for bed and as we climbed in, we heard something fall and then two awful moan/cries from the kitchen. There was Ella down on the floor. We raced to the emergency vet but there was nothing they could do. She had passed on the kitchen floor and nothing we could have done would have saved her. They believe she had a heart attack or stroke. I am relieved that it was quick for her; if there was any pain or confusion it was minimal at best. I picked up her ashes today and am not really sure what we will do with them. All I know is that it felt right to have her back with us rather than let the vet's office handle it.

Here is a picture of her enjoying her favorite spot in the garden:

She was with me for 12 years and I miss her terribly every day. I know that her special friend Alice is taking good care of her and I am glad they are together, watching out for me.

Chugging along

I've been somewhat productive as of late:

• I'd photographed & cataloged my yarn stash so that I can (eventually) upload it to Ravelry
• I'm almost finished knitting a book bag for my nephew. I will be felting and then embellishing it. I think it will go to him as an Easter present since I didn't get it finished for Christmas!
• I've been studying for my TEAS test (Test of Essential Academic Skills) that is required as one of my nursing program applications
• We've joined the YMCA (and will be going tomorrow night after said TEAS test)

I'm very proud of myself considering that's taking into account the whole "working" thing as well.

What stinks about today is that I threw my sigg bottle in my bag, assuming the lid was on tight and assuming it was empty. It was neither of those things! All of it's contents are spread out on my office floor to dry, along with the bag. Sigh - way to start a Thursday!

I also cancelled my guitar classes. I've got the option to take them any time during the next year so it's like a pre-payment plan. I realized that I'm going to be coming up on a very busy two months before work settles down to nothing. It's not the best time to add a class to the mix. Every time I sat at the calendar to plan stuff out I kept butting up against the Thursday night class. If it was on a different day that may have worked. I'm able to schedule again for any of their next sessions (starting in April) so that should work out well. At least it was a good reason to get Matt's guitar out of storage and up on the stand!

Beginnings

Who doesn't start off their first ever blog in January with that title? As this is my first blog let me start by saying hello! I'm not sure what this will morph into yet but I'm starting it as a way to help me keep track of my thoughts & to share my life with family and friends. I presume it will take shape as it progresses and I apologize in advance if it meanders too far!

Right now the paramount things in my life are 1) getting into nursing school and 2) cutting back on my current job. I also love to knit, hike, play games, read, hang out with Matt and give some good lovin' to the kitties - Ella & Oscar.

Since I'm at work I should probably get back to it! Although I've been on hold with AT&T for probably the last 20 minutes so at least I'm getting something done! They're trying to fix a problem for me that seems to just get worse and worse - let's hope today is different!