Good night caregiver

It's been a long time since I've blogged. Last quarter was much more stressful than I had anticipated and hit me in an emotional center that I wasn't prepared to defend.

Today was the first day of clinical for our new rotation. It was a good orientation and I'm excited to get started, however I've been sick for a couple days and am just drooping at this point. We got out a little early (shhhhh!) and I got a ride to the BART station. As I passed through the turnstile and rounded the attendant booth to head down to the train platform I heard a voice call out "Good night, caregiver". I stopped in my tracks.

Paused.

Realized that the attendant was talking to me! In all of my student nurse white scrubs glory, I am a caregiver.

Whaddya know about that?

Down to the Wire

This is the week. My EMT final looms and I am at odds. I know I should be studying. I know I should be focused. I know I should have caught up on my reading. Funny how I know so much yet know so little too . . .

I'm freaking about my written final tomorrow night. We're getting together to study tonight. I'll be studying more tomorrow with a break for a doctor's appointment. I need to get a physical done by the end of June for nursing school. Then it will be back to studying more, right up until the final exam. And then it's out for a beer or two - NO MORE!

After volunteering on Friday I'll be hooking up with a classmate to do a dry run through of all the skills stations before the big day on Saturday. I'm as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Part of it is my performance anxiety and part of it is the fact that I know it will be completely different than our midterm practical. That was so easy - almost too easy in my mind. I don't know that I feel truly prepared for Saturday. Bless my classmates who keep trying to reassure me; I know they mean well but I'm still ramping up to a good panic state.

I wish I could go back in time by one week and prepare better. But you know what, all last week I knew I was slacking off! I just couldn't stop myself. Sounds crazy but it's true. I think if I had been in an all white room with no window and no doors and nothing but my books to study with, I still would have found a way to distract myself. And now I'm kicking myself for that. Sigh . . . I hope I learn from this and don't repeat myself for nursing school!

Anyway, wish me luck. Regardless of what happens, it will be over on Saturday. And, if I do pass it all, I will be graduating on Tuesday!

And then it will be off to Park City, Utah for a weekend of glorious relaxation.

Sigh of Relief; Dance of Joy

The letter finally came today! I have been accepted into the Nursing Program at Cal State East Bay. I will begin the Fall of 08 and will be working towards a BSN! Woohoo!!

Over the past two weeks I've struck up quite the e-mail friendship with another woman who was waiting to hear about her acceptance. She got her letter on Wednesday. We have been talking each other down from the ledge on a daily basis, working to regain some sort of Zen about this whole process each time. It was nice to know I wasn't alone in my insanity and talking with someone else about remaining calm helped me to be calm(er) as well. And I'm looking forward to meeting her and becoming her classmate!

I am 1) relieved, 2) ecstatic, 3) scared to death, 4) tired, 5) numb, 6) weightless and 7) just about every other emotion I can imagine and many others I have no name for. It's hard to believe that almost 3 years ago to the month I started on this path. I took an on-line course in Sociology through Napa Valley Community College because I read that it was one of the pre-requisites for nursing and I had somehow managed to make it through my entire undergraduate career without taking a Sociology course. I was in a mad rush to start the process and the class through NVCC was the only one I could find that was open on such short notice.

As I finished up that class over the summer, I really began researching the other steps I would need to take for this little seed of an idea to become a reality: Nutrition, Chemistry, Speech, Anatomy, Physiology, Microbiology. Each semester a different class and an opportunity to meet some amazing people who were also pursing a dream. I'm so grateful to Cathy, Diane, Alison, Sheila & Heather. They are some of the strongest, craziest, smartest, sanest women I have ever met and I am proud to have shared a part of my life with them.

I can't wait to see what this next chapter brings!

And now I can truly begin to plan for the future - like figuring out how much this is all going to cost! :)

Feeling like a ding dong

Not only did I not get into the program at SFSU, turns out I haven't been accepted into the program at Cal State East Bay either!

Being the industrious, knowledge-hungry, information-gatherer that I am, I sent off an e-mail to the nursing department at CSUEB telling them I had submitted my intent to enroll and asking what other steps I needed to take as a future member of the nursing program. Her return e-mail stated "It’s great that you’ve already submitted your Intent to Enroll. The Nursing Department will be sending out acceptance letters in the beginning of May. Once you receive the letter and accept to be admitted into the program, you will be notified of the following steps you need to take."

Great! I said. And then I stopped to think about what she said. Did that mean I had *not* been admitted into the nursing program? So I asked her to clarify. And indeed that is what it means.

I have been accepted to the University as a pre-Nursing major. The nursing program will not be sending out their acceptance letters until the beginning of May (which is only a few days away). So it turns out that my back-up school, my fall-back plan is back to being an unknown. Unfrickin' believable.

This whole school thing has been such an emotional roller coaster - up and down and up and down. And just when you think you're pulling into the station for the end of the ride you get shot right back down the biggest hill of all.

Sigh.

On a wonderful note, I got my dishcloth from the April exchange. I proudly present the Starry Dishcloth from WildTomato!



Oscar does not make the most stunning model for dishcloths but he put up with me draping it on him for a little bit!

All quiet and no news makes Myla something something

So I've been forum hopping, looking for anyway to find out about the MSN program at SFSU. Nothing, nothing, nothing. At least nothing that seems promising anyway.

Found a forum at www.allnurses.com that had old posts about admissions from last year. Did some more digging and found one from this year. Looks like at least one person on there has gotten her acceptance letter; she was given until 4/18 to accept the position. Another person said she called the department and was told that not all the letters have gone out yet because it is a "slow process".

So I imagine all of the first round candidates have been notified and had until 4/18 to respond. Guess that means that they will then move on to inviting any second round candidates to fill the open positions for those from the first round who didn't accept. And so on and so forth. But I don't know if any of that is the case because I'm just filling in the (huge) gaps that exist based on what little information I can glean.

One of the posts from last year (at this same time) was that one person didn't find out about acceptance to the program until the day before it began! That is seriously messed up. How could you expect anyone to be able to jump through THAT hoop? But if it was me, I'd totally be there!

OK, deep breath one . . . deep breath two . . . deep breath three . . . Screw it. I want to know NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 down; 2 to go

Good news came this weekend! I have been offered a slot in the Fall 2008 nursing program at Cal State East Bay!

This program is for a second bachelor's degree in Nursing. It's an 8 quarter program that I would complete in 2 years. It's one of the only degree granting programs in the Bay Area that will let you do a second Bachelor's degree. Most of the other programs require you to apply to the fast-track or accelerated Master's program if you already have a Bachelor's degree, regardless of the focus of that degree.

So I now know that I will be going to school somewhere and soon! Yippee!

I'm still waiting to hear back from two other schools. City College San Francisco (CCSF) and San Francisco State (SFSU). I'm supposed to hear from both of them sometime in April. The program at CCSF is an RN program, not a degree program. They do their selection on a complete lottery basis. This year they made two changes in the lottery program. One is that they will now weight the number of times a person has applied to the program. So if this is your fifth time applying, you'll have a better chance than someone who is applying for the first time. Also, they are now only doing one drawing a year for the two program starts (Fall 2008 & Spring 2009). While I don't hold my breath for this option (as it's only my second time applying) it would be more convenient because it's in the city.

The program at SFSU is an accelerated Master's program. They call it the Generic MSN program. Classes for this program would start in the summer, probably June. It is a three year program; the first 15 months focus on all RN skills classes and taking the NCLEX test to get your license. The rest of the course is then direct towards the masters courses. This is the program I would like to do as it is in the city and it takes care of everything in one fell swoop. I wouldn't have to work for a year or two and then go back to get my Masters.

However it shakes out, I'm just happy to find out that I am actually going to achieve my goal! It's been about 3.5 years since I decided that i wanted to go to nursing school. According to the timeline in my head, I should have been in school last year. And I did have that opportunity but turned it down. I was accepted to the accelerated Master's program at University of San Francisco (USF) and could have started classes last June. After MUCH soul searching I turned them down. Ultimately they had more of an administrative & management bent while I would like to focus on patient care and clinical skills. Plus, the costs were outrageous! Over the last few months I've started to doubt whether that was the right decision. When I get frustrated at work I think about the fact that I could have been in school right now and dealing with frustrations that were related to what I want to do with my life, not frustrations about not doing what I want with my life.

It's been hard to trust myself and trust that I made the right decision in turning down USF. I didn't really start doubting until application time rolled around again. Getting all of that information turned in to the schools kicked on my anxiety switch and started the gears turning. I've been trying to keep it in check and think I do well most of the time (Matt may disagree) but have occasionally been know to just blurt out "I want to hear about school! NOW!" So nice to be free of that feeling. Of course it won't go away completely until I hear back from SFSU, which is my first choice. (Actually, UCSF was my first choice but I knew back in December that I didn't get in there. Hell, I knew when I applied that I didn't get in there. Since I haven't cured AIDS or volunteered as a lactation consultant in the Outback I'm not the right material for their program. But I digress.)

So for right now, I am going to revel in the knowledge that the dream for my future is moving along, full speed ahead (finally). And I'm also going to buckle down for this EMT class. It's brutal. Especially since I was down for the count all day Friday so am now behind in my reading - ACK!

EMT Insanity (and babies too!)

So, they weren't lying when they said it would be a tough 10 weeks. We're barely into week number two and I'm already stressed out. That may have something to do with the fact that my work has been brutal of late (pushed out deadlines making me compromise my time and resources) but it may not.

I was 25 minutes late to class on Tuesday. ARGH!! I felt like a complete arse and you can be sure it won't happen again. And they handed out cool logo to-go mugs at the beginning of class that I missed out on. I will of course be asking about getting one tonight but it will be very sheepishly.

Tonight and Saturday we are covering the basics of patient assessment, serious foundational work. I am caught up on my reading and ready for action (I think). So far the classes have been good: fast paced, sometimes humorous, mix of lecture and skills. Last Saturday was mostly skills on patient lifting. Whoo boy! I was tired after that one! Thank goodness we own his-n-hers heating pads! One instructor said that this job would be more of a workout than any session at the gym and she was right. Trying to help carry a 6'2", 220 lb. guy down a flight of stairs using a stair chair is what did me in. I have absolutely no upper body strength so I can add that to the list of items to work on (along with cardio, heart, core, etc.)

I will have to be careful to maintain a good balance during all of this. This was my second week of part-time work and I can feel the things that are being left undone start to pile up - both on my desk and in my brain. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel in about two weeks which will be just in time for my EMT mid-term. Phew!

In other news - last Sunday I got to hang out with some of my "internet pet" friends down in San Jose. It was a lovely little afternoon gathering. Then it was back to the city for dinner with Gina & Aaron. Wonderful beef bourguignon with rice pudding for dessert. They make such lovely meals and it's always nice to sit and have a great after dinner conversation with them.

Also, my nephew Luc got his bag I made for him and loves it. But I don't think he loves it as much as the stretchy frog that was in there too! :) But the better news is that Ed & Nora will be having baby #2! She is knocked up and they're having another boy at the beginning of September. On the baby front, my mom saw my cousin Jessie and she's about to pop with her second boy, Logan. And my other cousin Angie is newly pregnant with her second as well. Babies abounding! Mom sent me wonderful pictures of my niece Lily. She's got such a great smile on her. I'll get them scanned in and posted soon!

Off to class for work on scene safety and patient assessment. Wish me luck!

p.s. - no word yet on nursing programs from SFSU or CCSF, but April is a long month!

First Class tonight!

Tonight begins my 10 weeks of craziness! I am beginning an EMT class through the San Francisco Paramedics Association. I'm so excited and nervous at the same time. I'm sure the nerves will go away after the first few classes.

We had an information session last week to cover all the paperwork, expectations, goals, uniforms (gulp) and whatnot. I was a bit nervous as I sat there, the only woman among 15 men. But at the last minute there were 2 other ladies who made it to the class. We meet T/Th from 6:30 to 10:00 p.m. and Saturdays from 8:30 to 5:00. Not looking forward to those long days for sure.

We are required to wear our uniforms for every class session. Navy pants (carhart work pants from Sears), navy t-shirt or polo provided by them with logo, black belt and black shoes. They didn't tell us until the meeting that the shoes should have toe protection. I've got some on order and hope they come in soon.

In other news, I hosted a knitting gathering over the weekend for some pals from Ravelry. Lovely company, good snacks & fun conversation. We even got some knitting done in the bargain! I finished a hat to send off for a friend of a friend who will be going through Chemo. I got the pattern from Head Huggers and knit the Lace-edged Women's hat using Lion Brand microspun. It turned out quite well and I want to get it off in the mail tomorrow.

Chugging along

I've been somewhat productive as of late:

• I'd photographed & cataloged my yarn stash so that I can (eventually) upload it to Ravelry
• I'm almost finished knitting a book bag for my nephew. I will be felting and then embellishing it. I think it will go to him as an Easter present since I didn't get it finished for Christmas!
• I've been studying for my TEAS test (Test of Essential Academic Skills) that is required as one of my nursing program applications
• We've joined the YMCA (and will be going tomorrow night after said TEAS test)

I'm very proud of myself considering that's taking into account the whole "working" thing as well.

What stinks about today is that I threw my sigg bottle in my bag, assuming the lid was on tight and assuming it was empty. It was neither of those things! All of it's contents are spread out on my office floor to dry, along with the bag. Sigh - way to start a Thursday!

I also cancelled my guitar classes. I've got the option to take them any time during the next year so it's like a pre-payment plan. I realized that I'm going to be coming up on a very busy two months before work settles down to nothing. It's not the best time to add a class to the mix. Every time I sat at the calendar to plan stuff out I kept butting up against the Thursday night class. If it was on a different day that may have worked. I'm able to schedule again for any of their next sessions (starting in April) so that should work out well. At least it was a good reason to get Matt's guitar out of storage and up on the stand!